Happenings from The Lodge

I am moved to write a few words tonight because I cannot seem to find sleep as a consoling companion. Today, Sunday, started out as a very uneventful day, crispy cool, frost on the unsuspecting late blooming flowers at the front door and the weight of a very heavy winter coat around me as I waited for my son, Rick, to pick me up to go to church.

Upon returning to the Lodge, I learned my friend Flo, one of the three ladies I wrote about in a earlier blog, had been taken to the hospital after suffering an episode that brought her family and EMS to the Lodge. If you remember, Flo, I was told, had been in show business. I later learned she was a vocalist and sang with a number of bands. She often would break into song for no one in particular or for no apparent reason except her own pleasure, and, I might add, my pleasure too. Just recently the beautiful lyrics of “Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue” came floating up from the lobby and I peered over the railing from the second floor to see Flo sitting on the couch below, oblivious to where her body was, for at that moment (which lasted only a few seconds), Flo was in front of a microphone, the orchestra playing, young lovers dancing before her as she set the scene for romance.

It is doubtful Flo will return to the Lodge for she needs personal care and she will probably go to a nursing facility. I only knew her for 71 days but I know I will remember her. The pretty lady, with the beautiful clothes and a touch and a smile that could melt your heart. I wish for her gentle days ahead, and as the orchestra ends the set with a flourish may she hear the applause for ever long,

Thoughts From the Lodge

The holidays are rapidly approaching and I am seeing the world from a different location and with a different cast of players. Each artistic presentation has the need for special people and special talents to make the show a success.

The condo on Main Street, my recent residence, presented me with an amazing street scene. I could look out my third floor window and view a panorama of Main Street USA. I would see lots of small children so excited as they made their way to the Science Center, the Louisville Slugger Bat Factory or one of the other Main Street attractions, most always holding the hand of mom or dad. Then there were the grocery cart scavengers collecting all manner of discarded articles to eventually sell to help meet their needs, their hands trying to hold their possessions and not lose them when the cart was stacked high. Then there were the businessmen holding tightly to their brief cases and, perhaps, a dream that their brief cases held the work that would move them up the corporate ladder.

What is the common denominator with this cast of players?

Holding on to be safe, holding on to food or rent, holding on to the future or a dream. Everyone “holding on”. In contrast, or maybe not really, in my present home at the Lodge every one here is holding on. We are safe from street dangers such as traffic, we have a comfortable place to live and more then ample food, and we have relinquished the corporate ladder, but one thing we all have in common, from the street scene to the Lodge, is we still have our dreams, simplistic though they may be.

Perhaps we dream of seeing family during the holidays, dream of a phone call from a friend, maybe a card with well wishes but always for a feel good day. If you know someone who is holding on, be it family, friend or neighbor, give them a call, send a card, however you can communicate to let them know you have them in your thoughts, heart or memory and they are still important to you. It doesn’t take a minute to write or say hello, it sometimes takes a lot longer if you wait until you have to say Goodbye, for the last time.

Hidden Dangers

Well I have been telling you good folks about how peaceful and quiet the lodge is and how non-threatening the occupants are. However, now I have to admit there is some danger that has reared its ugly head. Clear your head of all thoughts and imagine the next picture I am going to paint you.

It is a quiet afternoon, 2:00pm to be precise. You would think all the nice senior ladies would be taking their afternoon naps. Some are on the couches in the lobby. The automatic front door slowly opens and a gentleman enters and moves to the rear of the lobby. I was innocently standing by a bulletin board reading a notice and I felt a gust of wind go by, and another and then I was bumped by a walker being pushed by an equal to Wilma Rudolph, next a cane went flying by and I thought, when did I enter a no-fly zone? They were coming from all directions converging on that one man that had just entered. More frightening – they all had objects, metal keys to be exact, pointed straight ahead.

Then, reality hit me. He was the postman, and he had just put today’s mail in the boxes, all 140 of them. Even if I had been getting a love letter from Sean Connery, I would never have gone to my mail box at that moment. Life is too precious and my mother did not raise a fool. Mail call could not be more hazardous on a battlefield then at a retirement home with walkers, canes and metal keys pointed in the same direction.

Like a coward, I shall wait until dark and quietly go to Box 225 and get my handful of useless junk mail and offers to buy insurance with a 85 year cut off date. You gotta love it! June

The Three Ladies of the Couch

More from the lodge…
I promised observations about the Couch ladies, Sarah, Abby and Flo. All are in their late eighties and are as cute as three bugs in a rug. You can find them nodding off or just plain sleeping in the atrium most any time of the day. The atrium is just a few steps from the main dinning room. Eventually, at some rousing point, they come to life and one by one rise from the couch and reach for their walkers.

Sarah, who is the most in touch with reality leads the other two as they prepare to enter the dining room one after another about three feet apart. After Sarah makes her entrance, next comes Abby. Abby, I have been told used to be in show business. It is apparent because Abby doesn’t just enter the room – she glides in looking from side to side as if she is responding to applause from the crowd. She smiles as if to say, “Thank you darlings” and meanders on toward the table they sit at for each meal. She dresses like a fashion model and in spite of her failing ability to always be in control of her walking, she manages to make it to her chair. I am not sure she really knows where she is but she is happy to be here or so it seems.

And now we come to the third member of the trio, Flo. Flo is about two steps away from her family putting her in a safer place. Dementia has taken over and just the other day, she followed a man to his car and insisted he was her son.. It took several staff members to get her out of his car and into the building. I have seen her standing by the door as if waiting for someone and I have watched her wave goodbye to an imaginary visitor. Recently we were both standing near the front door and Flo was waving goodbye to no one. She turned and smiled and I said, “I bet that was your son.” She lit up with a big smile and said “Oh, you saw him too?” I replied, “Yes , he is a very nice looking fellow.” Well, OK, I joined in her fantasy but it did no harm and sure made her happy. I will hate to see them break up the trio but I am sure Flo’s time here is limited. I will surely miss her.

As I said before, There are downers but there is so much joy, for most everyone looks forward to tomorow and embraces the kindness one shows to another. This is a good place to learn about life and the pleasures to cherish.

Catch up with you folks later from the lodge.. June

Words From the Lodge

Oxmoor that is…

Well, my friends, I have settled in at the Oxmoor Retirement Lodge and life is interesting, relaxing, and so wonderfully easy. Just about everything except breathing is provided for you. Cleaning, linens, meals, bus service to drug stores, grocery, dollar stores, Macy’s, doctors and on and on and five or six planned activities a day. The beauty of it all is you can take part in all of it or none of it. Cross stitching is still my favorite pastime, however I do go to exercise class, I have played Wii bowling – and I was awful – I worked on the community jig saw puzzle and I met a lot of nice people and a few I would like to lighten up a bit.

A dear friend, who is in a like place in a different city described it as a duel between the walkers and canes. She is right on target. Going to the dining room three times a day can be hazardous to your health. Cane walkers are pretty courteous, but the walker crowd takes no prisoners. You cross in front of them at your own risk! They all have a basket of some sort on the front of their walker to take fruit and muffins back to their room. Some baskets are quite full and look as if the collection of “stuff” has been with them for a while. I guess this all could sound pretty grim and depressing but it is not – it is pretty darn entertaining. The ratio of men to women is about 15 women to 1 man. Don’t get excited as the average age of both groups is about 78-85 and there’s not a foot warmer in the crowd – at this age everyone is always cold, with sweaters on when it is 75 degrees.

Just before I became a “latch key” lodger, they had a wedding of two lodgers. I understand they were the conversation of the place for weeks before and I have been told the tones of the conversations were not very nice. Of course she chased him until he gave in after she convinced him two really can live as cheaply as one in a retirement lodge…

As time goes by I shall introduce you to some of my fellow lodgers: the three ladies of the couch, a candidate for stone mountain I call Smiley, and Don’t touch me Delores.

It’s a smile a minute, a laugh an hour and a lot of people who just need a kind word, a nod or a smile. Later….

New Digs

In my last blog I wrote about my decision to go live in a retirement lodge. Moving day was October 1st, and I anxiously awaited the movers. They came and went and I left my darling little Condo in the middle of the city on Main Street, the very busiest street in downtown Louisville, Kentucky.

I knew I was trading the hustle and bustle for the serenity of the burbs in a tree-lined and floral picturesque setting where it is so quiet that even the birds sing softly and the crickets do whatever crickets do with restrained gusto. I thrived on the city pulse and I shall thrive on the quiet and calm of my new home.

This blog is to reassure you that a retirement home, lodge or center should not be faced with anxiety or concern. No one can make it wonderful nor can anyone make it dreadful. You will either embrace it or find fault with it, just as you have lived your life to this point. If you have lived your life to this point with gladness in your heart, compassion in your soul and love for life you will continue to do the same and you will be happy. If, on the other hand, you lived your life as if you were always dealt your cards from the bottom of the deck, I don’t think a new deck will change the results.

So if you are trying to make a decision to change, to be bold, you may, as I have, find the world of retirement is wonderful – many new interesting friends and activities await you. Don’t waste your years wondering, live them in wonderment, and enjoy.

I’m the Decider!

We make many decisions in our life time. I have made many in my 85 years. Some were good and some not so good but I learned to live with each one and learned from all of them. I have now made one of the most important ones to date.

I have decided it is time to forget about trying to be a strong wonder woman and, instead, take life a little easier. I am going to live in a retirement lodge. I am ready to go to the dining room three times a day and have my meals, then get up and walk away from the dishes. To have my studio cleaned each week and fresh linens brought to me. To be where there are activities of every kind each day and transportation, if I need it.

Life in general has been good to me. My general health is not bad; my mind is still functional and my sight good enough to do my cross stitching for four or five charities each year. My computer skills could be greatly improved but they keep me on top of what I want to know. My down sides are my lessened stamina, endurance, and mobility.

So I am not “wonder woman” anymore. Get over it!

I have three wonderful children and I am sure they have had more than one conversation about mom’s declining health issues. My son Rick has been my chauffeur, cook, errand runner and much, much more, my daughter Donna takes charge of my doctor visits and keeps me in good stead with my appointments and any other trips I need to make, and my youngest, Tara, who lives in New York, is a research person at Columbia University and finds an answer to anything I need to know. She also insisted I start this blog to keep me engaged in writing and sharing thoughts with others. She is my mental stimulus.

We seniors should try not to put the burden on our family of deciding “What we going to do about mom?” It is a very emotional decision to have to make. I decided I would make this decision myself, for my self. The importance of this is not about going into the retirement lodge, the important thing is I did it while it was my call to make.

I am looking forward to new and exciting years ahead. I am the only one who can keep that happening. I am the only one who can keep that from happening.

Remembering a Friend

Life is an ever changing rainbow of events. Some colors enhance the beauty of the rainbow and some hues just seem to be there because, like life, something has to fill the void between the beginning and the end. A rainbow without each span colored would a strange rainbow be. It is well nigh impossible to determine where a rainbow starts and where it ends. It seems to rise from the earth, at some point and go back into the earth in another place. Its true beginning and end is very elusive. It is not something that bothers us for we are just transfixed by its beauty, not by its origin and destination.

Life, from birth to death is like the rainbow. Some parts of life give us great joy and some give us the wrinkles in our brow and the gray hairs on our head. The great joys are the moments of fun and excitement, while the wrinkles and gray hairs are necessary to make us strong and build our character. It is the nature of the beast to want a great deal more of the fun and excitement and less of the wrinkles and gray hair.

Today I shared both joy and grief with some of my closest friends. We gathered to say goodbye to a wonderful, kind and special man. A man who truly “lit up the room” when he entered and made each of us feel we were so special. Ken has completed his journey on this side of the rainbow and I am sure the colors will be more brilliant in the next rainbow, for he shall be enhancing each color by his mere presence.

May we remember, “Each day is a gift, to be opened with a gentle touch”

The Episcopal Church-A Beacon of Love and Acceptance

I have been absent from the Blog society for a short time, waiting for an event that would force my hands back to the keyboard. Such an event has happened and sooo, I am back.

The event of which I speak? The Episcopal Bishops, in their annual meeting, voted to expand and open the door to ordaining more openly gay candidates and to give their support for clergy to bless the union of same sex marriage. The vote was 104 for and 30 against. It makes me wonder about those who just knew God in all his wisdom would send snakes to wrap around our feet and just knew the pitchforks from hell would come flying toward us spewing fire when Gene Robinson, an openly gay priest (and born in Kentucky to boot), was ordained a bishop. Could they have misread God’s message of love and acceptance? You think?

I have been an Episcopalian for 85 years. When Gene Robinson was ordained a Bishop, I called my rector and told him it was one of the proudest days of my church life. Today I am once again so proud of my church. I would love to live to see the day when we won’t need special votes to recognize the worth of each person or to recognize that to find and share love is the ultimate blessing we can be given.

Try to cleanse your mind of intolerance and your heart of hatred and replace them with knowledge and love – it will bring you serenity and I promise neither a snake or flaming pitchfork will appear.

WOW Moment #3

This is the third in my WOW series of happenings through my years.

It was 1976. I was employed by the Jefferson County School System as Home, School and Community Coordinator. I worked out of the office of Human and Community Relations. We were in the beginning stages of implementing our court order to desegregate our School System and we were one of the busiest departments with in the system. Each morning was a buzz of activities as I worked to get 22 staff members on their way into the schools and community for the day.

A phone call on a busy Wednesday morning I did not need, however my secretary informed me I had to take the call. I said a quick hello and the response was, “Mrs. Key, this is the Office of the President calling from the White House.” I knew this was a staff joke so I responded, “and this is the Queen Of England from Buckingham Palace.” I heard a little laugh and the voice at the other end said, ” Mrs. Key this is the White House calling for President Ford requesting you meet with him in regard to the progress of your court order on integration”. I apologized for my flippancy and she proceeded to explain the arrangements that had been made for me – including air, hotel, and transportation to the White House and said they looked forward to my arrival the next day.

I arrived at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington and was presented an itinerary of where I should be at what time , how I would get there and how I would return. By this time my adrenaline was on overdrive and my self confidence must have taken another plane.

From the moment I put the phone down, until I arrived back home on Saturday, my brain felt disengaged from my body.

Since I had very little control at this point, I found myself sitting outside the Oval Office awaiting my call to enter. I will never forget my thoughts for those few minutes. What am I doing here? Why me? I am a high school dropout, not exactly the intellectual equal to visit and chat with the President of the United States. Before I could rationalize the situation I was in, I was being greeted by President Gerald Ford in the Oval Office.

What a wonderful experience! A kinder, more down to earth person I have never met. I was instantly at ease as he questioned me about our challenge to desegregate our schools in Louisville. The questions were of honest concern and I answered them as honestly as they were asked.

As he walked me to the door, I had to ask the question, “Why Me?” His answer was, I wanted someone who was working in the trenches that would give me straight answers and not what they think I want to hear. I could not have chosen anyone better, thank you. I will remember you told me not to use the integration of our public schools as a political football and I promise you, I will not.

This was a WOW I shall never forget.